Saturday 19 November 2016

Dear Diary - Day Thirteen

The smarting in my bottom faded after a bit.  When I checked it in the mirror last night before turning in at my curfew time I couldn’t see any bruises.  PS has said she was going to make it blue to match my lips.  To my mind it did look like I had rosy cheeks and I wiggled my bottom to make it jiggle.  It was almost as if I was happy.

No, no, no. 

Today I found out that the physical effects of being spanked might have faded, but the mental ones, the emotional ones did not.  I felt more subservient to Mistress Eleanor, PS and all women than ever before.  I had been disciplined.  Corrected.  Instructed.  It was almost as if I felt proud.

No, no, no.

Thinking about it, and mindlessly doing Twitter tasks or housework gives me plenty of time to think, my constant attempts to deny what I was truly feeling, trying to hide my submissive, sissy nature, was foolish.  But I did enjoy it.

Yes, yes, yes.

No, no, no.

I mean the attempts to deny.  That I enjoyed.  Pretending to be a man.  Giggle.  That was fun.  Maybe impossible, but still a real challenge.

Being a Sunday the house was quiet.  Mistress had a leisurely start to the day.  I served as best I could, effectively being invisible, which I felt would be what would please Mistress Eleanor.  PS was busy planning the week ahead.  I helped where I could.  I am sure she could sense my increased level of obedience, perhaps even recognising that I would attempt to do tasks unbidden.  That these went, I felt, unnoticed, well, that just increased the humiliation, the frustration.  And I sure am frustrated.


Yes, yes, yes!

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